Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
