btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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