What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
