Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
