I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
