@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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