the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
