I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
