ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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