And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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