Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize