Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
