thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
