u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
