im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
