hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
