so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
