He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
