I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
