i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
