I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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