I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
