the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Less talking, more tequila
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
