We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
