There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
