this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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