meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
