Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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