um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
