Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have aggressive nipples.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
