Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
