I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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