he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
