he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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