Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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