I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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