There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My penis needs a shock collar
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
