I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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