Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
