you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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