i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize