i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
