man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
