just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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