we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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