how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
