I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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