The maid of honor just puked.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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