he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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