Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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