I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Who died my cat blue again?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
