tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
