Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
