I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
