we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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