my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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