How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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