Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
