We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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