i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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