his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You are the jesus of drinking
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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