I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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