Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
