I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
