even my farts smell like vagina
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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