His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
