I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
