What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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