the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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