Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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